The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize