I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
