Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
