Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
