well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
