how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Two words: blizzard sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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