barbara walters just said penis...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
