someone get that fucking seahorse.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I would ride that face into the sunset
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
