his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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