Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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