I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
