Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The power of my boobs compel you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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