I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
