Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
