I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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