she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
