so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
