Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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