sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
