Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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