i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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