I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
