Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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