I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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