This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
