Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
