we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
