He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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