i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
