new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
