whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
