You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
