I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Soap is not a condiment
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Randomize
