Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
