I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
