i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
