No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
