I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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