I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
