Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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