my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
