Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
