Don't you send me to vm
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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