Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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