I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
