i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
