there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
