Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
