I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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