My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
