i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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