he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
