I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
