...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she told me i tasted like america
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
