me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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