Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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