I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
