Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
