dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
