i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize