I want to make a zoo with you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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