You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if only i could text you this smell
even my farts smell like vagina
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
