I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
