I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize