It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
