I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
