This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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