Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have aggressive nipples.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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