he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
