he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
