I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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