Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
