Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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