final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
