If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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